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The one thing This Is Us nailed with Kate and Rebecca’s argument

By Reed Gaudens

THIS IS US -- "A Manny Splendored Thing" Episode 202 -- Pictured: Chrissy Metz as Kate -- (Photo by: Ron Batzdorff/NBC)
THIS IS US -- "A Manny Splendored Thing" Episode 202 -- Pictured: Chrissy Metz as Kate -- (Photo by: Ron Batzdorff/NBC) /
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No matter who you think is right or wrong, This Is Us nailed the open-ended mother-daughter dust up between Kate and Rebecca.

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When rumors started making the rounds prior to Tuesday night’s new episode that This Is Us would tackle the tricky relationship between Kate and Rebecca, I worried. I didn’t worry because I dreaded watching Kate and Rebecca potentially at each other’s throats but because I feared the series would dish out a quick fix for their tension. But, thankfully, their complicated issues were left unresolved.

For a series that capitalizes on human emotion, it wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility that Kate and Rebecca’s lifelong unspoken problems would vanish after a single conversation. But Full House this is not, and This Is Us proved that it understands the complexity at work in the repair of fractured relationships. You’d think that the postponement of any form of tangible reconciliation would be the icing, the cherry on top, and the whole damn cake for that matter, but the Emmy-winning drama nailed one of the most important parts of familial discord: No one’s more right or wrong than the other.

Sure, Rebecca will always have her detractors, and Kate rightfully has a legion of loyal fans who protect her at all costs. But to pin this issue on Rebecca solely because Kate’s the one laying all the cards on the table isn’t necessarily fair. Yes, Rebecca overcompensates when it comes to Kate’s talents and sneaks condescension into her compliments, but does anyone really believe that this woman would ever intentionally demean her daughter?

It’s all about intention, and Rebecca’s intentions have historically been in the mindset of doing the right thing. Now, when putting good intentions into practice, sometimes the execution doesn’t match the plan. “I used to sing.” “You’ll get used to crowds like these.” Excuse the paraphrasing, but Rebecca’s well-meaning comments read like sly jabs and, worse yet, conceit. We never want someone to make our accomplishments about them, and Kate has never felt ownership of hers because of Rebecca.

THIS IS US — “A Manny-Splendored Thing” Episode 202 — Pictured: Mandy Moore as Rebecca — (Photo by: Ron Batzdorff/NBC)
THIS IS US — “A Manny-Splendored Thing” Episode 202 — Pictured: Mandy Moore as Rebecca — (Photo by: Ron Batzdorff/NBC) /

But that’s not to say Rebecca shoulders the blame for the strain in their relationship. She doesn’t mean to hurt Kate’s feelings, but she does, and Kate allows it to happen. It’s our instinctive reaction to bark back at slights and throw the same barbs. When we’re hurt, we hurt in response. As a kid, Kate held in the hurt, and as a teen, she referred to Rebecca as “the queen” and probably used an armor of snarky resentment in their mother-daughter battles. She didn’t need to. Unfortunately, we never learn these lessons until it’s too late.

Kate never knew to speak up and squash the hostility before it mounted for decades. There’s no simple fix to these things, and there’s no telling if one honest heart-to-heart could have taught Rebecca and Kate how to treat each other. But This Is Us’ treatment of their present-day argument recognizes that nothing in family fights is black and white or one-sided, especially for the Pearsons. Jack’s death stalled this family, which forces them to still wade through the arrested development of their emotional intelligence.

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Randall struggles with anxiety, Kevin confronts self-doubt, and Kate hasn’t quite mastered the art of acceptance and opening up. The new line of communication between Kate and Rebecca, however, marks the latest step in the Pearsons healing as a unit. Clearly, it’s going to take some work as each of the Big Three come to terms with the hardest pill children must swallow: Parents are people with flaws, too. Jack wasn’t perfect, and neither is Rebecca. This Is Us positively nailed the murky, open-ended conflicts that hang in various states of resolution. In life, nothing gets laced up in beautiful bows, but that doesn’t stop us from trying to tie that knot.

This Is Us airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on NBC.

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